Monday, April 27, 2009
This is the question that has haunted me really my whole life. Dating as American is hard, dating as an Italian-American is even harder. I can tell you the dating game is complicated and not so cut and dry. I've dated since my early or late 20s with a few relationships in between but no solid long term till now relationship. Many people think because I grew up in an Italian American household that my father was a tyrant with dating and no men were aloud around...blah, blah, blah..this couldn't be further from the truth. In fact, my father is sort of the opposite of your conservative Italian father.
He believes, I should find someone that I really love, find a profession that I love, be prosperous, and do what I want, so the little wifey ideals are non-existent! Basically dating was never really an issue, I think it became more of an issue for me because I was exposed to different cultures at such a young age. I spent a lot of my summers in Italy, socializing and even dating. I will say dating an Italian man is most definitely different than dating and Italian American man. There are significant differences in the sense of social mannerisms.
For instance, Italian men are definitely more charming or all about the 'sweep you off your feet' tactic. The part in the movie 'Under the Tuscan Sun' where Diane Lane is on the beach with the Italian guy and he says "Francesca, I could swim in your eyes.." (I think)..that is really what an Italian man would do and say. I mean romance is alive there no doubt. Now, I'm not saying its not alive here in America but as Americans I really think we are different when it comes to the social mannerisms. Look, love is love and I'm not one to argue it or define it...I mean really what do I know. I don't know everything especially when it comes to relationships, but I will say the question of whether heritage makes a difference in a relationship is a big one.
I always say to my Italian cousins you guys really don't have to worry about meeting or falling in love with someone other than Italian because the majority of people where they live are true Italians, with the same ideals, religions and family upringing. Here in America, I have to be prepared to go out and maybe meet someone who has a different religion, upringing and total value system. I mean its hard. We end up questioning ourselves about 'is it only about the connection or does being with someone of Italian descent make a difference?' The answer to that question, might be non-existent. Something to think about. Tweet
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Ahh...yes, flashes of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," come flying into my head when it comes to thinking of marriage or long term relationships. In previous posts, I write about whether its important or not to be with someone of Italian descent and more importantly is it expected?
We all know as Italian Americans we are exposed to many ethnicities and cultures, so the likeliness of meeting someone who isn't Italian is... I would say pretty high. So, when you reach the ripe old age of lets say from 25-30, do you feel the pressure to meet the "one" and settle down? In the traditional Italian families, I would say, yes. Now a days, even in Italy there is more favoritism for careers, and independence as opposed to being settled with 4 children. (for example.)
I think the modern Italians have really taken the "modern" independence to a whole new level, which is also factored into the low birth rates currently in Italy. But again, I will add that for the Italian Americans who come from traditional families, it is kind of expected to be married and settled by a certain (?) age. Just from my experience with friends of family and family, let's say very close Sicilian friends, all of their children were married off and settled by no later than 30. So, yes..I do think the expectation and factor is there.
I'm lucky because as much as my parents are traditional, you would think this upbringing or time capsule mentality would be present, but actually its the opposite. I never felt that pressure, but if there's any pressure..it might be my own. You know, I think in all Italian families our parents or family members want us to be happy and settled. I guess it makes everyone feel better and more importantly its just who we are, so I will embrace the pressures and expectations with positive energy and hope that we can all be happy with who we really love. After all, we Italians are the experts on love. ;)
Monday, October 6, 2008
From personal experience, I've always found that dating someone who has an understanding of my background really does make a difference. Of course, I'm not saying its impossible to also fall in love with someone of a different culture, but I find it (for me) as someone who is totally imbibed in my culture to be with someone of Italian descent. The bottom line is this, I'm American, a culture in itself, but I am also Italian..so being with someone who understands all of it --counts
Anyhow, enough of my rant, the purpose of why I was writing this was because I wanted to share an online dating site, where you can find men and women of Italian descent looking for the same connection. Online dating works for some people, actually its worked well for a lot of people I know,up to the point of some of my very close friends having met and married their online matches. Its an interesting concept. Also, whats great about this site is that they also have other culture sites for Greeks and many others.
So, if you're in the market for love and want to start connecting with other Italian Americans, Italians--go to http://www.italianosingles.com/ Hey you never know.
11/22/08- I was informed of another site, check out http://www.italiansinglesconnection.com Tweet
Saturday, September 20, 2008
I ask this question because it seems I've watched this movie a ton of times. Its actually an interesting story about this movie and my relation to it. When this movie first came out I never saw it..but had all my friends tell me ..'you have to see this movie--it reminds me of you and how you always tell me stories about Italy and how charming Italian men are.' I was like, 'OK' it can't be that good, its kind of how do you say more "Merr-i-gan" than Italian, so it seemed like it would turn me off. Being that they wouldn't portray the facts straight. So, I didn't watch it and almost refused to watch it. Then, while I was dating this guy from NY, he did nothing but tell me and ask me 'have you ever seen 'Under the Tuscan Sun?' I had told him probably a hundred times, 'no, I haven't seen it.'
As our relationship progressed and we spent more time together, I went to his apartment for dinner and a movie. Well, wouldn't you know it, the movie was 'Under the Tuscan Sun.' People automatically think, because you're Italian you will love this movie or anything having to do with Italy you will love. Right? Wrong. Needless to say, this relationship was already on rocky roads and the assumption of his stereotyping was getting on my nerves. He was Italian I think, like 10th generation, removed, and stuffed in the closet, but swore his mother knew Italian things. Whatever, this was the first bad sign.
So, moving on--we watched the movie that night, but I think because he got on my nerves, the movie got on my nerves and I never gave it a chance. As time progressed, that relationship ended, and partly because he didn't get it, the part of me that was Italian and not some friggen stereotype. This guy was well off and thought he should date and Italian girl, who would be the stereotype of something he dreamed up. Fool. Anyway, enough of that, this poor movie never got my approval because of some jackass I dated in Midtown.
I now love this movie, I think it might be subconscious but never the less, I gave it a chance, unlike 'he' who doomed himself. Last night, in honor of his memory, I watched the movie and enjoyed it. No bad associations will impede on my movie critiquing skills. Funny story, thought I'd share. I guess for me it matters about being Italian or at least understanding something about it.Tweet